Hi all, hope we are all good? Finally, the dreaded January has passed and we can begin to feel like the year has truly started. Hopefully we are all following our resolutions we made just a short time ago. Hands up if you haven’t stepped inside the gym yet.. guilty.
I’ve decided to write a post which has been on the tip of my tongue for some time. Due to the nature of it, I refrained and held myself back but after some deep thinking, I’ve decided that my story could help others and even give some light to an otherwise dark and uncertain time.
We welcomed our first daughter in 2017 and knew very soon after that we would like a bigger family. We had always wanted a big family and the love we felt for our daughter and the wholeness which she brought to us, only made us more certain of our family choices. Soon after our Wedding day in September 2018, a year after the birth of our first, we began to try for our second child. We wanted to have two siblings close in age, close as friends.
A companion for life as it were and the thought of a big family was always appealing for me, despite the choas and mess. At the end of the day, it’s how you make your family feel, and they you that matters. No matter how terrible a day, how reckless your child has behaved, the tantrums, a dispute at work.. you name it, nothing will bring a smile like snuggling up together for story time before bed.
What I didn’t know at this time as I was full of hope and excitement was the long wait that lay ahead of us, the anxiety, the challenges and the upset that months of failed symptom spotting and pregnancy tests allowed me to feel. In a way it was an emptiness, wanting something so good to happen so bad and never getting the results you wanted. Through one month to the next, I was symptom spotting and hoping, however i was always met with Aunt Flow around the 28th of the month.
We remained positive through the months, tried to use ovulation testing, working out the best times in my cycle to conceive and I taken to trying several vitamins and health foods just in case I was missing something. I mean, it had to be me, right? I began a barre class for exercise, healthy body, health mind etc and tried to slow down my daily routine but I can’t say that ever happened.
After seven months of failed attempts and a small fortune spent on wasted pregnancy tests, ovulation sticks and pre pregnancy vitamins, I decided to talk to my GP who had noted this wasn’t usually normal with couples trying so often as we had and in good health. I was worried there could be something going on internally that was preventing a pregnancy or at least making my situation more difficult. The GP arranged for further tests and blood samples and issued a referral to the fertility clinic. X
After some time we had an appointment at the fertility clinic where I had an ovary scan and a talk with a consultant. It was noted that my right ovary was polysitic – who knew? With the noted, I was recommended to attend my GP for bloods two full months in a row to check my cycles for progesterone levels. This is when the ovulation can be tracked or if no ovulation has occurred. I was free to go and left with the burden of a polysitic ovary over my head. News that I hadn’t expected to hear, nor prepare for. For some time, this sat hevay on my heart.
Blood test after blood test, endless and exhausting attempts to conceive, we were left drained and not very hopeful of my situation. The constant bloods were draining enough, not getting the results we wanted only added to our stress. Could it be that my ovary was the issue and if so, how could we resolve that? Had two consecutive months of blood results shown anovulation, I was to be introduced to hormones to induce an ovulation and force my body to ovulate. A risky matter but an option i would choose due to circumstances.
Clomid. I’m sure any of you with fertility issues out there or friends and family going through tough times may have heard of clomid. A drug I was reluctant to try for various reasons, a few being the risk of cancer, birth defects. Doesn’t sound too appealing, huh? but willing to give my all in the hope of a second pregnancy, a bigger family.
Four cycles and sets of bloods later (a few set backs) I had got the news that my progesterone levels were fine which indicates ovulation. Great, i was then given the nod to just keep trying to fall pregnant naturally. I had stopped breastfeeding completley in December 2019 as my Daughter is now 2.5 years and I felt that perhaps weaning her off her comfort feeds completely could help us with our journey.
For now, we are starting a new year and hopefully what will be a new chapter will lie ahead. I’m more aware of my own body and needs more than ever and as I care more for myself, relax a little and enjoy time with my Daughter, I can only hope that come time, we will get the news that we have been hoping for. Maybe one day, that little pee stick with warm our hearts more than anyone could know.
I’ll keep you all posted, and for anyone out there suffering with a similar situation, or secondary infertility as I have, don’t feel afraid to seek advice of a GP, to talk to friends or family. Sharing is caring and we all want the best for one another.
Keren x
Keren Ross 