A weekend in my City. Taking a back seat and spending precious time with loved ones.

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It is hard to believe that I have reached the stage of 32 weeks pregnant. How? Where has the time gone?!  Am I actually pregnant?! Sometimes I think I have just made this whole scenario up in my imagination. This can’t be for real. Surely? I can confirm however, I am not imagining this. I am 32 weeks pregnant and onto the stage of counting down, waiting patiently for my baby to arrive. They have a little more growing to do yet, I’m not sure my poor body can take much more stretching but I don’t think it can be prevented. So long as my baby is healthy, I will cope.

I have been beginning to slow down a lot lately, with this I have had to change the dates that I had arranged with work for my maternity leave begins. I now finish up on the 4th of August, a week earlier than planned. I figure that I will need this time to be alone and to prepare for my baby’s arrival. To fully get into the nesting stage, clean as much as I can, nap daily and take time to pamper myself. God knows this body needs some TLC. I have a hair appointment to get all freshend up and a beauty appointment at a spa for a day of total pampering. Lush. I can’t wait to just sit back and relax a little. Pregnancy does take its toll. It’s quite nice to know I can get that out if office sign up and wave goodbye to a full time career (temporarily). Refreshing almost. I’m onto bigger and better things. A new adventure is waiting. One that I can’t wait to get stuck into. Motherhood.

I am going to share some experiences from this weekend as it has been my favourite weekend for a while. I feel happy and content right now. I am thoroughly enjoying this stage of my pregnancy and the time I get to spend with my boyfriend, family and friends. Good company really is the key to happiness and well being. I feel grateful to those whom I hold close and provide support to me when needed.

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On Friday,the 7th of July 2017,Euan and I both had planned to have the day off work to enjoy together. Perhaps one of our last days off alone. Starting the day with a trip to Costa for some morning coffee. It’s nice to sit back and watch the world go by in the morning. Take the moment in together. Whether in deep conversation or comfortable with the utter silence. Letting our minds wander. Coffee trips are one of my favourite ways to pass the time. After exploring the shops and finishing up a busy day of appointments, we decided to grab some lunch at Wagamamas. I haven’t been there for so long and it was great to get back. Euan absolutely spoiled me, we shared duck pancakes and for a main I favored the duck donbrui whist Euan had his signature dish: yaki soba. We don’t often eat out as it can become quite expensive and we lack the free time. Each day is full on, especially right now with so much running around to be doing.

To have the day off together and do some of the things that we love, perhaps for one of the last times as a couple was great. You definitely need to take time out together once in a while, and when the opportunity arises you appreciate it, a lot. I certainly do anyway. I feel like we really needed that break. A bit of an escape from reality. In the evening, a trip to the cinema called. Transformers was pick of the day not to mention a scoop of ice cream and large popcorn. I’m pregnant, what of it? The day was finished up by a quick dog walk around the area at midnight, I’m surprised that I managed to make it up so long. Usually 8pm hits and I’m off to bed these days…can’t handle the pace.

Today, Saturday the 8th of July, I was invited out by friends to join them for an afternoon tea. Not just any old afternoon tea,today was rather special. An important day, as this was a surprise tea for a friend who is due to have a baby any day now. For this occasion I had chosen to wear a dress I got back in Vegas at the beginning of the year. A shimmery, satin little number with a delicate floral print. Perfect. I teamed this with a Vivienne Westwood cross body bag and a faux fur shawl. It has been really lovely. To see my friend have such a nice day and celebrate together was quite something . Taking time out to spend with loved ones and relax is very important to me. It’s not every day your friend has a baby, especially not just a few weeks ahead of yourself.

Afternoon tea was a lovely way to spend time, chatting and celebrating the pending birth of her first born. A very special day, one that can be remembered. What an exciting time all round. It has been great to have gone through pregnancy with a friend and share our experiences and thoughts. To be there for one another day or night, it’s nice to be going through such an important stage in life with someone who you care deeply for. You become each other’s support mechanisms. 2017 has definitely been an exciting year all round and brought nothing but the good. Long may that continue.

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Perhaps creating life is what it takes to be truly happy and to appreciate life as it is. I’m not sure and I can’t speak for everyone but I feel in myself that since becoming pregnant my outlook is more positive. Sure I have bad days and bad thoughts, I still have worries and fears but the good always outweighs any negativity. I am becoming optimistic and more open to happiness. I feel that I have my baby to thank for this. I have a purpose.

Baby gifts were exchanged and plenty tea and cake was consumed. What more could you want from a day with friends? I think my little baba enjoyed the sugar fix, they have been bouncing around inside ever since. Even as I lay here in bed before I head off to sleep they are squirming around. I think I have an acrobat on my hands. Uh oh.

To some, this may seem a pointless post, with no sort of meaning or reasoning behind this. For myself, I wanted to mark this occasion and write it down for the memories. So that I can look back and smile. Remember this weekend and all of the happiness it has brought. Even the little moments as insignificant as they may seem to others. To me, they mean the world. This is such a big stage of my life, it is only right to document as much of it as I can. Live in each moment. There is a lot going on, a lot of change and each day is full of hustle and bustle. For this one weekend, it has been nice to stop and take a breath. To relax and to celebrate life and all that it brings. I lay here in bed and I smile. I am at this moment eternally happy and grateful for all that I have in my life. My boyfriend, family, friends and the roof that I is over my head. Not to mention my unborn child and the joy which they bring. I can’t believe I am at this stage in my life and baby read. y, I didn’t ever think this would happen to someone like me. That I would have the people in my life that I do and to be in such a loving and strong relationship with my partner, as difficult as times can get. I know that I always have my man by my side and my friends at the other end of the telephone. A luxury that some people don’t have.

Sometimes life gets a little too much and your mind goes slightly crazy, gets a little lost or caught up with bad thoughts and negative views. It happens to us all and a break can be all that is needed to soothe the soul. At this time, I hope I have passed all the negative thoughts that I had been having and can be open to the good. I am trying to be optimistic and positive for the future. Ready for what life has to bring. Ready to share my experiences both good and bad. I am happy, I am content and I feel confident that life will bring so much good.  There will be bad days, weeks, years even, but with the love and support of family and friends and positive thoughts, everything will always work out just as it should. I never have to feel alone or should have to worry. Of course you can’t escape worries or anxieties. Bad times strike us all and at different times, you never know what is around the corner or the challenges that you will face.

but for now, I am happy.

 

 

 

Preparing for baby; a sea of emotions. A lifetime of exhaustion.

 

 

I find my mind ponder over family life. As I sit here around the kitchen table, tired, alone,uncomfortable and a little sore I wonder what is to come next. In my third and final trimester and about to hit the 31 week mark, I can’t help but think about welcoming baby into the world and starting family life at long last.

Thirty weeks down and just a few short weeks to go, I feel so ready yet uncertain to begin a new start. I just want to hold my baby and start that lifelong bond. To start a new life. To begin again as a family.  To explore a new love, a love that is said will last forever. To discover a new routine. To settle.

I am at the stage where I have began to slow down. Things I could previously do with ease are becoming more of a struggle by the day. Tying shoes, emptying the washing basket, simple household tasks, walking distances. I feel a fraud to complain about such minor things and how tired I feel. Daily tasks are becoming a chore and the tiredness is like nothing I have experienced before. I try to keep up with my lifestyle, to get the same exercise in, to rush around, buzzing about from morning through to night when I rest my head on the pillow. but my body is telling me to slow down. To relax, take a break (or ten). The strain is starting to creep up over me and I am left feeling a little useless.

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At thirty weeks, I feel my body deflating and taking a hit.Overworked and definitely exhausted, I think it is finally time to start to chill out and take a back seat. To relax and to embrace relaxation, something I don’t really know how to do. I can’t even sit through a movie at home never mind chill out. I always have to be busy. Daily tasks will have to wait and rest should be welcomed. The hoovering CAN wait. Nothing bad will happen if I don’t do it for one day.

I must begin to prepare my mind for baby and gear up to become a parent. Nobody ever teaches you what you need to know about becoming a parent or how to prepare for such a life changing event. It’s no subject taught in school. How can I prepare? Does motherhood always come so naturally? Does that maternal instinct take over as soon as you set eyes upon your newborn? A child you have nourished and grown for the best part of a year.

  “A moment a child is born, a mother is born with them”

  Questions fill my mind at this stage about motherhood. There is little else I find myself thinking about to be quite frank. Becoming a new parent brings with it so much thoughts. So much anxiety, nerves and emotions. Will I be a good mother? Will I know what to do? Will my baby bond with me? My child grow to love and appreciate me as I will them?

Parenthood is stepping into the unknown. There are no manuals to prepare oneself for this with, every experience is different. No one person gives the same advice, the same tips. It can be overwhelming. There are masses of information for first time parents out there, so much material to wrap your head around. Where to begin? What information is legitimate?  What articles stand true to form? Can I relate my experience to that of anyone else when each pregnancy, each parent, each child is so different?

My emotions are at an all time high, ever changing through the day. Happy, sad, anxious, excited, scared. You name it, I’m feeling it. At such a prime time in life, with so much going on, I suppose it is understandable to feel this way. A mixed bag. Uncertain of what is to come. Of how to prepare. To step into the unknown is daunting yet thrilling. I don’t know if any amount of preparation will set me up for what is to come, for this life journey I am about to embark on. I don’t know if I will ever be able to prepare to become a mother until that moment I set my eyes on my baby and first hold my child.

I only hope that when my baby arrives and I can finally hold them. To hold onto that tiny hand, touch those tiny fingers and kiss their head, my maternal instinct will take over and somehow I will know what I have to do. Who I have to be and how I have to love. To protect. To nurture.  I hope that my maternal instinct will consume my mind, my body and in that moment, that first moment I hold my baby, my tiny human, I will know exactly what I am doing and everything will be OK. I will be OK.

I am ready for a love to last a lifetime and to feel in ways that I have never yet felt. To give and receive pure love and sheer happiness. The sort of happiness that they say only a child can bring. Only a parent can experience. I want to feel those feelings and experience such love.

To become a mother. A teacher. A leader. A friend.

 

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Taking a leap of faith.

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”

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Into my mid twenties and baby ready, I suppose you might say that I am a little late to step into the world of blogging. I am currently feeling motivated at this stage in my life and ready to branch out from the comfort of my Instagram account, get creative and begin a new online adventure. An adventure to use as a learning process, a tool for my own personal growth.

 

My name is Keren Polland. I have chosen to begin a blog to capture moments and experiences of every day life. I have always wanted to start my own blog, to create something that is solemnly mine. As an introvert with little knowledge of blogging, I shied away, allowing my hopes of blogging become a pipe dream. I couldn’t possibly create something that others would want to read, could I?

With a new found focus and the want to do well, to create, I have decided to give this a shot. To get stuck in and give it a spin. Better late than never. I thank my boyfriend Euan very much for doing the background checks and setting up this space for myself. Without his help, knowledge and guidance, I would still be mulling over the blogs of others, desperate for my own. I am preparing to begin family life with my best friend. Expecting a little girl at the end of the Summer, the start of a new chapter in my relationship. What could be more exciting? I am going to focus my blog on this new family life, to put focus on my child, my relationship and my experience as a new mother. The good, the bad and the ugly. I want to open up and share my stories. Reach out to others and create an online following of not only followers, but friends. Others in a similar situation, experiencing the same as I.

This blog, MY blog is set to be a personal reflection of my own thoughts and views, a personal yet public journal. An outlet to unwind and to share. An accout of daily life, yet a brief escape from reality. With a spell of maternity leave on the horizon, I needed some sort of hobbie to occupy my mind and a place to share and reflect in order to keep myself sane during those long days and nights of no sleep nursing a newborn.

Broken routines, daily change. I can feel the anxiety build up just thinking about what is soon to come. I am someone who has to have a plan for EVERYTHING. My life is almost timed to perfection; feeding times, bathing times, leisure times and bed times. My biggest struggle I face with becoming a new mother is the sudden lack of routine. To have to adapt to a whole different take on life as we currently know it is a scary concept. For now, it is 10.20pm. I am tired and quite heavily pregnant. Time to rest my eyes – until the heartburn kicks in and sleep fails me ( this happens a lot lately) but I’ll take whatever rest I can get.

Goodnight, Keren x

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